By the time you read this letter, I will probably be far away on my way to Elsewhere. I apologize not for informing you about my change of heart, but once you read my explanations I know you will understand my decision. I honestly had no time. After returning to my dwelling, and while having my evening meal, my father announced that he was going to release Gabriel the following day. While I was gone, the Nurturers decided that they should try putting Gabriel back in the Nurturing Center. According to my father, Gabriel caused an enormous amount of trouble at the Nurturing Center, and even my father had voted to let go of Gabriel. I must apologize, I have been hiding something from you all these weeks. One night, I was trying to get Gabriel to go to sleep. I put my hand on his back, and I had transferred the memory of the sailboat ride to him. Please believe me, I did it unintentionally. I did not realize I had transferred the memory until it was fading from my mind. I kept giving Gabriel some of my memories each night. I am truly very sorry, as I am sure you will think this act was inappropriate, but Gabriel raised feelings in me that I had never felt before. I know you'll understand because you and I are the only ones with actual feelings. I felt a bond with Gabriel, even though he was just a baby. I could not let Gabriel be released. Gabriel is very special to me. Also, if Gabriel was released, his memories would be returned to the community, and although I only gave him pleasant memories, I knew that I would have to face consequences from the community for sharing the memories. I am sorry I had to leave the community immediately without contacting you. Now, I just want to thank you for giving me the freedom to choose my own destiny rather than allowing the community to choose it for me.
Just a year ago, I was just like any other child in the community, not aware of anything outside of our community or our past. Once in a while, I noticed that something had changed, but I did not understand how it changed or why. I remember that time when I was playing catch with an apple with Asher. While the apple was in the air, it changed. I took it home in curiosity but I had not been able to determine what it was that I saw. Just a little less than a year ago, I was chosen as the Receiver of Memory, and the whole community congratulated me. But the one thing that caught my ear was when the Chief Elder said that I would experience a kind of pain that I had never known before. During the past year, you taught me the true meaning of life as it existed, and the kind of life that could exist in Elsewhere. I also learned how blind our community is to the joy of freedom of choice and having true feelings is worth the pain of feeling fear and sadness. Although I will never be sure of this, I think you could have just given memories but you have given me more than just the memories. You gave me a sense of a real family. When you gave me your favorite memory, the memory of love, I delighted in it as well. After receiving that memory, I feel as though you are my real family. It was really nice to know that I had someone like you beside me. The memory of love also taught something else. That night, after receiving the memory of love, I asked my parents if they loved me. They said that I had used the wrong word, and that the word love meant nothing. I learned how heartless the people in our community are, and how every single individual is so confined. What enabled me to live through my days were you and Gabriel. You have always been there for me to help me, and my only regret is that you are not coming with Gabriel and me.
It just seems like yesterday when I witnessed the video of the release and I felt the community is evil. In all the months misery learning about true pain and pleasure, I never questioned what happened to those who were released. That day, I thought myself stupid for not being able to figure out that to be released was to be murdered. Not only was I shocked about how dishonest and cruel the Elders were to kill people and pretend as if it was a happy ceremony, it startled me greatly to know that my own father had lied to me as well. Of course there was that time where I read my instructions as the Receiver of Memory and wondered if in every person's instructions it said 'You may lie', but I never suspected my father as one of those liars. Now that I look back at it, my father has no true feelings for me or any feelings at all. I guess it would have not been a big deal for him to lie to us. It doesn't seem so surprising now that my father had murdered someone; it confirmed that probably countless people in our community are not as innocent or honest as they seem. My father probably felt no guilt in killing the twin. After turning numb because of my father's true self and his mask, you were there to calm me down, and even better, you created the grand plan to release all my memories back to the community. I think releasing my memories would save our community from those liars who simply know nothing.
I genuinely believed that your plan would work. I did have some doubts, since it was a very risky job and I would have to break a dozen rules. I tried to be optimistic. I never thought I would leave the community forever. I do know for sure that you won't blame me. Though, the thought that I am not capable of giving you the same treatment and respect is the only thing that makes me hesitant to leave. You have not yet given me the memories of courage, but I know that I can make it to Elsewhere because you have trained me so well. I know what you have given and taught me is more than enough for me to make it to Elsewhere. During the short time I have known you, I have learned that the meaning of life is to feel all of your feelings and make your own choices to determine your own destiny. I wish you could be here with me so that you can also live the life you have only seen in your memories. Now it's too late for second thoughts. Once again I apologize for leaving you in the middle of this chaos, with the Receiver and the infant-to-be-released missing. I am off to find a real life in Elsewhere where color, love, and all the pleasant things still remain. I just wish you the best and I hope that you can fulfill your dreams of meeting Rosemary once again.
Sincerely,
Jonas
(P.S. I love you, and Fiona.)
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